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I've been thinking about this since I listened to it and woo... here comes some therapy on the internet. I've had BP disorder since I was a teenager. Nobody diagnosed me back then, but it's pretty easy to look back on and go "yeah ok... that's what was happening there." (thread) jefflembeck/1040826826610761728Permalink On twitter.com
❤️ 8 Favorites 2018 Sep 16 Mood +4 🙂
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
One part of it is the old "I'm so bipolar" trope with regards to moody people. Being bipolar is not being moody. I wish it was being moody. I'm a hyperbolic moody motherfucker as is... I _wish_ it was that. No no... like Cher mentioned, it's an addiction.Permalink On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
Bipolar disorder is a super power that you're addicted to that might kill you.Permalink On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
It's a voice. It's a want. It's a desire. Imagine one day being able to retain everything. Imagine learning at 5x your normal rate because you can see everything all at once and keep it in your head. Imagine that at the same time, you don't need to sleep. That's hypomania.Permalink On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
It's that and confidence like you're the most fuckable person on the planet (and sometimes you are during those times - this is not helpful).On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
When it slips into full-on mania, it's that plus _some super special treats_ like oh.. feeling completely indestructible. No point in not gambling constantly... you'll always win. No point in not doing a ton of drugs. No point in not fucking a person you shouldn't.Permalink On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
I once described it to my psychiatrist as being Slimer in Ghostbusters but you're just made of Id.Permalink On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
But no matter which of those I get, hypo or not, the down swing is always the same... bottom of the fucking barrel depression, where each moment feels like all of your clothes are heavy, like you just got out of being pushed in a lake...Permalink On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
except there's no chance that you'll ever dry off and also probably putting on clothing that day was probably beyond what you could pull off.Permalink On twitter.com
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I'm lucky to not be one of those who have tried to kill themselves. It's so common in our special group.Permalink On twitter.com
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…in reply to @jefflembeck
Anyway, bipolar disorder doesn't define who I am, but it's something that I wouldn't be the same without. Treatment keeps the extremes at bay. If you're somebody who suffers (or actually just really enjoys it), the episode is very good and you can always DM me if you wanna talkPermalink On twitter.com